LOVELOTH'S Top 10 (A Parody AoTY List)

Written by: Loveloth (parodically)

Lo! Greetings, insignificant mortals. It is I, Loveloth, your omniscient and gloriously betentacled Overlord.

[brief pause, as to allow the audience of thousands to gasp in awe]

In all my infinite wisdom, I have decided this day to abandon my Gazebo in order to rectify a terrible mistake--namely, the travesty that was the Sleeping Village Year End List. If you missed it, worry not: it was an embarrassing miscalculation, nothing more. Thus, I am here to provide the Village's loyal readership with the One Trve AoTY List. Behold!

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#10: Sermon - Birth of the Marvelous

Hypnotic. Evocative. Mesmerizing. Elegant. Gentle. Aggressive. Haunting. Atmospheric. Adjectives. More Adjectives.
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#9: The Hu - Gereg

The Hu did Mongolia proud with this debut. Gereg is, simply put, the most original and innovative album anyone has written in the history of ever.

#8: Northlane - Alien

I, Loveloth, hereby decree that you're all allowed to like metalcore again. And that's all I've got to say about that.
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​#7: Denzel Curry - ZUU

BOY, I comin' out the ZUU. This year, I, Loveloth, singlehandly discovered hip hop. Not like, "familiarized myself with a genre with a complex history," but rather "unearthed hip hop, thereby allowing it to be violently birthed into existence." Thank me later.

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Hello again, puny mortals. I, Loveloth--your favorite eldritch amalgamation--have once again left my astral Gazebo. Quaver, dear readers, before my squamous and trembling protoplasmic form. You've likely never seen magnificence quite like this, so I will graciously allow a brief moment for you all to retrieve your collective jaws from whence they fell.

I am a Very Busy cosmic entity, so let's get down to business, shall we? As the utmost authority in such matters, it is my privilege--nay, my duty--to provide the Village's loyal readership with my Top 10 Albums of the Year. Behold!

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#6: Tyler, The Creator - IGOR

IGOR, Tyler's most heartbreaking release, is an excercise in lo-fi heartbreak and synth-ladden brokenheartedness. But none of that is important, for I, Loveloth, have included IGOR on this list solely so that we may all suckle at the teat of Tyler's cult of personality. Witness an artist so wacky, so inspirational, that his music is, at this stage, utterly irreverent.

#5: White Ward - Love Exchange Failure

Step into the Jazz Lounge of Loveloth--and please, don't mind the corpses. Much like I, your awe-inspiring host, White Ward would be more than happy to oblige in the "existential dread and despair" department. Also, this album has a saxophone, and if that isn't a ticket to the top 5, I simply don't know what is. Sensational.

#4: The Odious - Vesica Piscis

The Odious remind me of myself: utterly mindblowing. If you, in your shortsighted idiocy, do not believe me, perhaps this will spark some synapses: buried amongst the deliberately nonsensical riffage, this album has--wait for it--a saxophone. #mindblown

#3: Thank You Scientist - Terraformer

Just look at that coquettish cover art. Now look at my multiple throbbing members. I, Loveloth, secrete my own lubricant from tentacl'd flesh--which makes lustily sliding into this wankfest a leisurely affair. And, lest I forget, this album has a phat saxophone, which makes it the most unique album of the year. By far.

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Listen up, you nugatory and otherwise inconsequential mortals. I demand your full attention, as this last segment of my Top 10 Albums of the Year takeover--a process of cleansing and rectification--is simply the most prodigious work of art thine earthly eyes will have the pleasure of witnessing. Only my inconceivable and ghastly face is more resplendent. Or sumptuous; or palatial; or straight up imposing. Take your pick.

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#2 Wilderun - Veil of Imagination

In the words of Angry Metal Guy, for whom my inconceivable carapace glistens: "Iconic." While I, Loveloth, am loath to utilize the words of the inferior flesh-bound...that pretty much sums this album up.

#1 Devin Townsend - Empath

From the moment of conception--nay, from the moment ‘twas but a twinkle in the proginator’s eye--this blasphemously excellent record was bound into service as my Album of The Year. No matter how many structural issues it has. No matter how grossly bloated it remains. Don’t mind the irrefutable fact that half the songs could have disposed of long before the cutting room floor ever entered the equation. Ignore my omniscient inkling that, in the long and storied career of one Mr. Townsend, his notion of musical evolution seems to have regressed to the notion of throwing every conceivable sonic quality in the (known) universe into a blender. Empath is the pure and undiluted elixir of excess, and for that reason alone, I, Loveloth, love it so very dearly.

That conclusion is inexplicable, but so, dear readers, am I.

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