The Village has accepted me as one of their own. I'm not entirely sure why yet, as I will sacrifice them all to our Mighty GOD, Varic. Not one of these sleepy fools even cares. How much weed are they smoking around here? A lot, the answer is " a lot."* Damn stoners, and losing their inhibitions. Regardless, I am here, and they will be an offering for Varic.
On Tumulus we are born into battle, or even from battle. Rising from the core of those slain. With my powers I can raise new crew members from the bodies of those I've run through. My next victim has been found, and if the crew member is anything like him. I'll surely have my work cut out for me. I haven't seen such a weak specimen in my life ( I do love hard work).
"The Necrosexual." I'm pretty sure that means he likes to fuck dead bodies. They're probably the only hole he can get. Even the Glory Holes turn that shriveled, disgusting excuse for a penis away. This poor coward has probably never seen a dead body, and faints at the sight of his own blood.
Enough about this boy, and his pretty make-up. This is exactly what I expect from a band that covers Motley Crue (strictly their 2019 live performances), and the vocalist lives up to 2019 Vince Neil. The band comes in on fire, crushing thrash riffs, a little black metal, and the party has begun. The guitar player sprinkles delicious solos, and the drummer holds it the fuck down.
I'm definitely going to have to grab a hard copy of The Gory Hole Overture in F#, I lost all my coasters in the last FTL jump. Be on the lookout for Advent Varic VS. The Necrosexual coming to a city near you.
P.S. Please stop trying to be Motley Crue, not even Motley Crue can be Motley Crue anymore. YES! I'm talking to YOU.
*erm, none? - Ed.
We provide thoughtful reviews of music that is heavy, gloomy...and heavy enough to wake us from slumber. Written by a certain groggy-eyed and highfalutin' peasantry.